Draco Cogitatio – Interlude

After returning back home safe and sound I decided to live with my grandmother for a while. She was 86 years old when I returned home but she was still living in the house that she and my grandfather built pre-2000. My grandfather passed away not that extremely long after that and my thought was that she could use the company. I was living mostly with her but went over to my parents every now and again, usually during the weekends. I thought I was going to be able to find a job near her but since she lives in the wrong side of the province in terms of job availability, it was rather hard finding something that suited my skillset. Looking back on it, I think it was maybe the perfect time to acclimatize back to the institution of society after being away from it for quite some time. It was a good time although not quite as expected and I found it pretty hard to adjust back to “normal” life (not even sure if I ever went back to normal life).
On the camino I found Lucy but also a girlfriend from the US, we kept in touch and got very serious about us at some point in time, it was a pretty good thing to have her in the back of my mind while Im bored out of my mind. Good things come to those who wait and waiting I was at my Grandmother’s for now.

I did get some work done in the form of digitalizing my diary but it was nowhere to my satisfaction and it didnt give me any feelings of productivity. My plan was to be on the road for a longer amount of time but how I was going to do that was completely beyond me and I couldnt find the angle of approach. This went on for about a year, year and a half after which I really really needed a job again. Got one in Groningen pretty fast when I did finally put my mind to it and it didnt take me long before I sank back into society again. Still living with my parents though. My reasoning for this was that last time I felt really weighed down by just all the material stuff that I had acquired, this was by no means a lot but being stuck in this ratrace I could see my whole life in front of me 20-30-60 years into the future. My appartment and all the stuff in it before, instead of giving me that feel of independence and gratification weighed on my Soul like a ton of bricks. 

Now only a year later I felt like I did a crashcourse of what I wanted in and out of life. Moving back to my parents felt like sacrificing social status for that ultimate goal. Why would I want my own place if I only want to go away at some point was my reasoning. Looking back on that I also shouldnt have done that but ya know, society is this endless stream of just being lived by and its easy to get lost in the forest. Frankly I would have left sooner if you’d ask me 4 years ago but the timing wasnt quite right.

I tried to keep a clear goal in mind however and it wasnt time wasted. No not at all. I met some great people that I consider family now in those 5 years, got to travel to my previously mentioned girlfriend in the US several times (which gave me great new perspectives about the world) and I got to live and get to know my grandmother better than I ever would have, had I stayed my original pre-Camino path. Along the way somewhere I also got hit by a car, it took me 6 months of video games to get my body back and about 50 days on the Pyrenees to get my mind back.. Life is life and it goes along you like a stream and if you dont think about where the fuck the stream is actually taking you, you might not even see the waterfall coming.

There is no time wasted if you appreciate life and the things that just are. I got a good hard look at myself and society once again, all the while the embers of adventure were slowly fanned in the background. Timing, sacrifice, water, blood is what I wrote in my diary I discovered recently and I think those are major aspects of life. 

After 5 years it felt like things were nearing its conclusion, the world had changed and I changed again alongside it. I didnt necessarily lose myself in the society’s forest although there were certainly a couple of hurdles that I had to take. Life is nothing if you dont at least regret a certain part of the choices that you made, they help us grow and see the contrast between where you want to go and where you dont want to go. 

So fucking this is it then, lets get this show on the road. Leaving for a winter Camino, I knew/know its going to be tough as nails but I got some more experience over the years. Always kept that goal of traveling into the unknown in mind and sought out skills and people that might complement that. Im glad that I got to reconnect with old friends as well as finding new ones and even the ones that I lost along the way I learned from. Its time to manifest my destiny. The people that are dear to me will always stay dear to me and theres no goodbye’s with any of them. Not unless they choose so. 

Never be a leaf in the wind, always expect the waterfall, dont let the Devil put fear and doubt in your Soul..